Red Shift Inbox

[kaballin]

If you're not paying me, I'm not answering this.

Comments

[hypothermic]

Got anything better to do?

I bet they're busting out the good china.

[kaballin]

I'm starting to think the market for heirloom sterling silver teaspoons is a little dried up in space and this outfit doesn't have enough pockets for me to make off with the serving trays.

That said.... there's gonna be food.

[hypothermic]

Food. Booze. Me.

What else could you want?

[kaballin]

What's this outfit you got delivered look like?

[hypothermic]

Fit for a king.

Must be why they sent it to me.

[kaballin]

How's it gonna look on the floor?

[hypothermic]

That's for me to know and you to find out.

Unless you get shit-faced at the party and wake up in a puddle of your own puke.

Then you'll have to use your imagination.

[kaballin]

You make a compelling case. I bet the alcohol is that real smooth shit too that you barely even taste.

Aight. I'll go to this thing assuming this outfit they gave me even fits.

[hypothermic]

Have you ever tried caviar? Salt for millionaires and people who want to be them.

Mine fits like a glove.

[kaballin]

Who the fuck decided eating fish eggs was gonna be something fancy? You know how shoeboxes have those little packs of crystals that say DO NOT EAT? Caviar tastes the way those things smell.

[Standby while he tries this on. Wow that's an impractical outfit. Where do his swords go?]

This actually fits a little too well. That's kinda creepy. Are they measuring us in our sleep?

[hypothermic]

Rich people get bored easy. That's why you get assholes eating endangered animals just because they can.

I've done a lot of shit in my career as a criminal. I'll steal anything and kill almost anyone, but you won't catch me poaching. Killing protected animals for some lazy bastard to shove down his fat gullet is pathetic.

[Len has a lot of feelings on this. His furs are sustainably sourced.]

Scanned us when we came in through the gate. That's my guess.

And I'm usually right.

[kaballin]

What like tigers and pandas? People eat tigers? Sounds gross.

You know some high end rich folks. I'm lucky if the people paying out even bathe.

[And arms dealers rarely care about fancy game ranches or have ivory chairs. ]

Maybe. I broke a lot of that shit on the way in though.

1/2

[hypothermic]

Correction. I ROB high end rich folks. They're the marks with more money than they know what to do with.

What am I going to steal off a poor chump, their analog TV?

2/2

[hypothermic]

Wallets don't count.

That's a hobby, not a job.

[kaballin]

Just admit you're a klepto. Everyone needs an addiction, makes life worth living.

This outfit probably cost more than my car. Feels fucking weird.

[hypothermic]

I never said I wasn't a klepto.


You have a car?
I'm moving up in the world.

[kaballin]

Yeah I drove it right into Anchor.

I had a car. It's probably junked now.

[hypothermic]

I'm stunned you're not a truck guy.

What was it. Some rust bucket of a caddy?

[kaballin]

You nailed it. A rusty pink convertible Cadillac.

It was a Camaro.

1/2

[hypothermic]

Someone sold a lot of Mary-Kay on the black market.

2/2

[hypothermic]

First car I ever stole was a Camaro.

Black. Racing stripes. I was 16.

It was the most bad-ass car I'd ever seen.

[kaballin]

Better than mine. I stole some beat up station wagon as a getaway car. Worked out though, no one suspects the person in a beige station wagon.

I wanna lie and say my Camaro was silver, but really it didn't have any paint. Coulda been real sweet if I ever had the time to fix it up. But then I had to go and get myself killed which kinda delayed that little project.

[hypothermic]

Crashed it 3 blocks away from where I hot-wired it.

Never did get around to taking my road test.

[Since Kabal is getting all honest on him...]

I like cars more than I like to drive. Riding shotgun is fine by me. Fast is fast.

Maybe you could give me a ride sometime.

Providing you didn't kill yourself in a car accident.

[kaballin]

Can't stand not being the one behind the wheel. Everyone drives too slow. And I thought I was giving you plenty of rides already.

I died saving the world. No one fucking believes me, but I did. Didn't work out too well for me. Everyone should learn from my mistakes: becoming a good guy is a load of fucking bullshit.

[hypothermic]

More is more.

I believe you. Before I got here, I was up to my neck in the same crap. Running around after do-gooders in spandex trying to save the world. Half the job was keeping those idiots alive.

Those hero types have zero survival instinct. They wanna die in the name of the cause and be the next Mother Theresa. Idiots.

Did you wake up here? I've been trying to decide if we're in post-modern hell.