Red Shift Inbox

[kaballin]

If you're not paying me, I'm not answering this.

Comments

text; @iceicebaby // Anchor Anniversary Party

[hypothermic]

Did you see your new rags?

[kaballin]

The deer tried to eat them, but yeah. I threw it on the counter somewhere. Why?

[hypothermic]

What did I tell you about letting that goddamn thing run around in here?

It stinks, and it eats people.

[kaballin]

I didn't let it in the room, dumb thing was outside trying to eat the package.

I'm gonna use it to dispose of a body someday, just wait.

1/2

[hypothermic]

Uh huh. If that thing chews up any of my crap, it's dinner.

2/2

[hypothermic]

Did you read the invitation or not?

Re: 2/2

[kaballin]

I'm not holding your hair back when you puke from eating it.

What invitation?

[hypothermic]

Attached to the clothes, genius.

Did you think it was X-mas?

[kaballin]

[There's a pause before he responds as he clearly didn't read the thing, and now some of it is missing thanks to a very hungry reindire.]

That's how a bunch of my clothes showed up last time. Thought it was like that again.

Why you want to go to this thing?

[hypothermic]

Got anything better to do?

I bet they're busting out the good china.

[kaballin]

I'm starting to think the market for heirloom sterling silver teaspoons is a little dried up in space and this outfit doesn't have enough pockets for me to make off with the serving trays.

That said.... there's gonna be food.

[hypothermic]

Food. Booze. Me.

What else could you want?

[kaballin]

What's this outfit you got delivered look like?

[hypothermic]

Fit for a king.

Must be why they sent it to me.

[kaballin]

How's it gonna look on the floor?

[hypothermic]

That's for me to know and you to find out.

Unless you get shit-faced at the party and wake up in a puddle of your own puke.

Then you'll have to use your imagination.

[kaballin]

You make a compelling case. I bet the alcohol is that real smooth shit too that you barely even taste.

Aight. I'll go to this thing assuming this outfit they gave me even fits.

[hypothermic]

Have you ever tried caviar? Salt for millionaires and people who want to be them.

Mine fits like a glove.

[kaballin]

Who the fuck decided eating fish eggs was gonna be something fancy? You know how shoeboxes have those little packs of crystals that say DO NOT EAT? Caviar tastes the way those things smell.

[Standby while he tries this on. Wow that's an impractical outfit. Where do his swords go?]

This actually fits a little too well. That's kinda creepy. Are they measuring us in our sleep?

[hypothermic]

Rich people get bored easy. That's why you get assholes eating endangered animals just because they can.

I've done a lot of shit in my career as a criminal. I'll steal anything and kill almost anyone, but you won't catch me poaching. Killing protected animals for some lazy bastard to shove down his fat gullet is pathetic.

[Len has a lot of feelings on this. His furs are sustainably sourced.]

Scanned us when we came in through the gate. That's my guess.

And I'm usually right.

[kaballin]

What like tigers and pandas? People eat tigers? Sounds gross.

You know some high end rich folks. I'm lucky if the people paying out even bathe.

[And arms dealers rarely care about fancy game ranches or have ivory chairs. ]

Maybe. I broke a lot of that shit on the way in though.

1/2

[hypothermic]

Correction. I ROB high end rich folks. They're the marks with more money than they know what to do with.

What am I going to steal off a poor chump, their analog TV?

2/2

[hypothermic]

Wallets don't count.

That's a hobby, not a job.

[kaballin]

Just admit you're a klepto. Everyone needs an addiction, makes life worth living.

This outfit probably cost more than my car. Feels fucking weird.

[hypothermic]

I never said I wasn't a klepto.


You have a car?
I'm moving up in the world.